It’s not depression. My experience of depression carries the weight of hopelessness, like I’ve forgotten how to breathe and I can’t imagine ever being happy again.
It’s not entirely grief, although it carries some measure of it. Grief carries the weight of judgment, a plaintive cry that It Shouldn’t Be This Way. I’ve seen too much and understand too much about humanity to be surprised by the violence and horror people can inflict upon one another.
No, what I’ve been feeling is sorrow, a deep, empathic sadness for the anguish, rage and fear that has been roiling beneath the surface of the world for so long and is finally bursting forth into the open, jagged and screaming.
Oh, God, it hurts.
It seems everyone is bleeding, to one degree or another. Illusions of safety and security and control are being swept aside, the veils we hide behind torn asunder as we cling to them like a child clutching its ragged blanket.
And yet, I know better than to try to “fix it.” Not all brokenness is pathological. Sometimes the Old must shatter to make room for the New. Caterpillars don’t grown wings. Instead, they dissolve into amorphous goo, messy and disgusting, before re-forming into something completely different, beautiful and wondrous.
Our society is breaking up and breaking down. People are dying because of stubbornness and fear and an inability to step back and question the stories in their heads.
And yet, everybody dies.
I don’t know what will emerge from the chaos. I am hoping for something beautiful and wondrous. But for now, in this time of upheaval and dissolution, I give myself over to sorrow.
The thing is, although sometimes necessary and useful and an expression of divine grace, sorrow is insufficient. We also need strategy. I say “we,” but I’m really talking to myself. Our society places so much emphasis on Doing over Being that I sometimes overcompensate, trying so hard to immerse myself in the experience of the moment that I forget that Doing does have its place. In fact, Bill Treadwell poked me a couple of weeks ago to make sure I was alive, asking about the website and the Farmer’s Market.
The website has been frustrating primarily because I haven’t been able to find a directory plug-in that I like. When I took on the redesign and maintenance of the website, my primary goal was to reduce expenses by both taking the project in-house and replacing the paper brochure with a searchable database. I’ve done website design before, but the truth is that, because it isn’t my calling, it’s been easy for me to keep putting off taking care of it. If anyone would like to volunteer to take it on, let me know, and I’ll be more than happy to share my notes and login and resources. You can see the work in progress at https://www.mountainhealingarts.org/
As far as the Farmer’s Market, yes, it’s up here every Tuesday. Would anyone be interested in acting as liaison and coordinator for an MHAA booth? You can review all the forms and instructions at https://highdesertfarmersmarket.com/for-vendors/big-bear-farmers-market-vendor-requirement/.
Both Rita McMillan and I have Easy-Ups, although the people running the Farmer’s Market require 40lb canopy-style weights attached to each leg. Since we’ve usually just used bags of rocks, we might need to purchase some. The weekly space fee is $45.
Which brings us to the logistics of finances. At the moment, I only have record of 5 people who have contributed dues for this year (Carol Neu, LEAFS for Wellness, Gina Weiss, Brett Hand and myself.) I negotiated with the Big Bear Lake Chamber of Commerce to make a partial payment of our annual membership with the remaining $50 to be paid in the next month or so. Right now, we only have about $45 in the account, so if you’ve been intending to contribute, this would be an excellent time to do so. 😀 You can either mail a check made out to
PO Box 3004
Big Bear City, CA 92314
or you can use https://paypal.me/mhaabigbear if that’s easier. As a reminder, Professional membership is only $25, while individual Supporting membership is a mere $10.
I miss getting together so very much. There’s an irony to the pandemic closing everything down just as we were starting to rev up all of our in-person activities. Ah, well. Does anyone have any upcoming events they’d like to share? Let me know, and I’ll send them out to the community. I know Brett’s doing Reiki training this weekend (July 11th & 12th.) What else do y’all have going on?
Finally, I apologize for disappearing for a bit. I’ve been working through my own reactions and transmutations (as you can see from the start of this newsletter!) but I think I’m back now. May you be a beacon of Love amidst the chaos, bringing us together in hope for what may come.